Love Poem*

Ok. So, this is the first REAL love poem I have written that I actually REALLY like. I hope you enjoy it, too. : )

Fall Swiftly

*dedicated to Jay Brandon Budzon

I weep for you, soft love,

weep as a daisy

after kind spring rain.

Patient shadows

grazing the fingertips of the willows

in sweet wait

for my own love's true heart.

If I was ever less than perfect,

forgive me.

But never did I turn from your light

or fall victim to the disease of lust.

You become a private wind

bound to the grass,

bound to the belly of the jay

as he soars over precious lands;

lands that mirror the beauty of your face

and the breathlessness of your soul.

Fall swiftly to me...

open arms in lover's kiss.

And you will save me

from all that is vicious here,

all that remains empty

and lacking the grace of your eyes,

two caramel orbs,

painted from my deep dreams.

You are the merry heart

singing me lightly into rest.

Would you be taciturn,

I would withdraw my soul

from your silent grasp

and surrender myself only to death.

But with faith you are joyous

and call me into your heaven.

Fall swiftly to me, kind love.

I will cloak you with desire

and cleanse your soul

with the passion and tranquility

of a thousand saints.

You will hold my last breath,

waiting for the finest of times

when my soul is swept

by a most feverish ocean;

pushed to a new birth

with you, my companion, at my side.

Fall swiftly to me

for your skies are littered

with the damp, gray clouds of doubt.

Fall swiftly to me, my dear.

Let love's blind sighs

was you over and whittle your naked heart

so that it fits mine.

Fall swiftly to me.

Fall swiftly to me for without you,

I am quite lonesome.

And without your love

there are neither treasures nor joys

to be had in this world.

December 19, 2009

Ode to My Kindred Spirit

One day, I dreamt of many brave things;

things I wished to show her. My dear sweet dove,

I called her, for at night she warbles; she sings

like me for solace and wisdom from above

the rafters and dried leaves on trees.

We both make giggles on bended knees.

The light of stars and the tender scent of wheat

I meant her to have, the sun tickling her hair

and making it shine like an apple, the kind you eat

and not just place lonely on a table and stare

with pencils and charcoal or perhaps some paint and brush.

Such beauty, such truth must take ample time with no rush.

My daisy cousin; my hippie friend with braids

tied swiftly on her head. I simply cannot forget

to open her flushed eyes, her two portals with the aid

of her kind yet strong hands so that she might let

her strength finally meet her story told;

that gentle; that misunderstood; that gold.

I wanted her to feel hope in me but it died; dead

like the buried carcass of her sister's beloved cat.

I made note the potions and magics festering in my head,

but what normal person would have interest in that?

She and I certainly found comfort in such things

for we were both bred from imaginary queens; not kings.

Our Lady Sovereign; our Mother Earth did but call

to us whilst we were fresh in bloom. The sun

became our secret keeper. And with  backs to the wall

we strut in harmony; two kindred spirits with none

to answer to. I live in her to free

a world iced over with hate and greed;

a world lost; a conquered sea of red

that burns through us and wounds us deeply

like thorns under the skin; rocks under the bed.

We carry the burden; little support thrown cheaply

to all but us. Alone we must stand;

heart in mind; soul in sight; hand in hand.

One day, I called on her for care,

a Kleenex to a runny nose. She softly replied

with sighs like coos and kind words of rare

quality and simplicity; and perfect words I tried

to use with others in order to make

a life worth living; a life not to take.

She and I, we favor the smell of rainy days,

the sky in loud sobs, echoing our sorrow

and making us feel wanted; making us stay

a little longer, giving us another tomorrow.

Our fear abides to hidden spaces;

eyes and hands hung low alongside heavy faces.

We are rare; genuine; unique, us two.

The purest of diamonds. The softest of clouds.

I lift her and she lifts me and together we make through

the darkest of times and the thickest of crowds.

For thriving in a tattered world must be

a little bit of her and a tiny part of me.

November 24, 2009

The Teacher From HELL

Why do I have to have the teacher from hell for my drawing teacher?

He made me cry today for the second time this semester. Today was my first full day back after being so damn ill from Swine and then pneumonia. I brought in all of the homework (except for 1 that I didn't even know about it because he chose to post it on a different section on Oncourse and failed to tell me because I wasn't in class last week to which he responds with, "Well, THAT assignment is definitely late then.") and laid it out on the floor of the room next door to our classroom while he walked around it and just looked at it.

There were 6 drawings on the floor. He looked at 2. And only commented on 1. Wow.

And of course, it wasn't anything good. He told me that I'm "not doing it right" and that I need to work on drawing tonally. We're all STILL confused as to what he means by that exactly...and it's almost the 3rd month of classes.

Then he asks me, "So, do you have your 5 in-class drawings for your midterm grade?" I just looked at him, confused. "I thought it was your 5 best drawings, whether they were homework or not, and that's what I brought." He replies, "No, it's just in class-drawings." I look at him, again very confused. "Well, I don't even think I've been in class long enough to have 5 in-class drawings."

His response? "That's unfortunate."

WTF?!?! Then he continues by telling me that I REALLY need to pick it up and that he's basically starting me over, whatever that means. He said, "I want you to draw everything in this room, all of the clay faces on the wall, all of the muscle statues, and all of the skeletons, front and back. And you need to spend way more than 6 hours on each homework and really wow me in class." W...T...F...????? But that wasn't even the worst part. The kicker was his extremely thoughtful line following that...

"And I know you're only taking 2 classes, Abby, so you have more than enough time to do all of this."

I literally dropped my jaw. WTF is wrong with you, asshole?! As if I don't have a full-time job, too...yeah, let's just forget that. And the fact that I only missed in class drawings because I was sick and yet STILL managed to have all of my homework done AND a few other drawings that I did in place of the in-class drawings I missed!!!

After all of this, he says, "Ok! Let's get back to work!" and leaves me to clean up all of my drawings without talking to me or anything and right before slamming the door on me says, "Turn off the lights and shut the door when you're done."

Nice.

After I cried in the hallway while on the phone with Brandon, I return to class just knowing that he's going to fail me no matter what I do. Clearly I looked upset and other people in the class could tell. I mentioned my fear of being failed to a few classmates and they confided in me how much they dislike him as well and how horrible of a teacher he is.

Then during a break, I'm standing in a corner just waiting for the model to come back so I can continue WOWING him when I hear him talking to a classmate about the movie Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The classmate says, "You know it was based on a true story, right?" and my terrific "professor" replies with, "Are you fucking kidding me?! No fucking way! You're lying! That's not fucking true!"

Now, I don't mind it if a teacher drops a curse word here and there but he curses ALL THE TIME and takes no shame in dropping the f-bomb as much as possible. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I didn't think that was proper classroom etiquette. I've always thought he wasn't very nice, but today he was just plain rude, inconsiderate, and improper. He's a teacher, for FUCK'S sake! Since when is it OK for a teacher to curse freely in front of his students while in the classroom?! 

He has really upset me. There's no way I can draw EVERYTHING in that classroom. Not only do I not have the time, it's not fair because no one else had to! If I technically have to make up all of the in-class work, then I should only have about 5 more drawings to do.

There are like 15 clay heads on that classroom wall. FUCK THAT.

Tomorrow, I'm going to try to go to the head of the art department because not only is he treating me unfairly, but his behavior in class is just completely unacceptable. I'm sorry I missed class but in light of the Swine hitting IU's campus, every department has changed its policies about absences for this semester, meaning anyone who feels sick must remain at home, send an email to their professors, and they don't need a doctor's note. Even though this would apply to me, I can do one better...I have a doctor's note for EVERY SINGLE CLASS I'VE MISSED. I've basically spent the last month and a half at the Health Center. So, they are ALL excused and I even put forth the effort to complete ALL of my homework while sick!

I don't understand his behavior towards me or in general, for that matter. My art history professor allowed me to make up the midterm today and asked me how I was feeling, spoke with me about the weather and about life in general, and took a walk with me! He understands that I'm going through a very tough time now that I simply have no control over. He treats me like a person and not a dog and I'm so grateful for that! I know he won't treat me any differently than the other students, and he shouldn't. I'm not asking for a handout...just a little understanding. I'm not even asking ANYTHING from my drawing teacher! I completed all of the homework while sick!

Unfortunately, my drawing teacher is just adding to my depression, which is just GREAT for my health. Thanks, professor. Please, go back to where you came from. And just in case you don't get it, let me put it in terms you'll understand: FUCK YOU.

More Poetry

I'm trying to write more because it's very therapeutic to me and helps me deal with all of the SHIT. I submitted some poems to Canvas and Fiore magazines in hopes that someone will publish me and not just SAY they will and then back out unexpectedly! Here's another one I recently wrote.

A Fool's Moon

You come to me,

Verona's true prince,

from Mantua to restore in me

my succulent soul that so left my flesh

long ago. My body,

weighted down and heavy with dispair,

has claimed its grave.

Your sweet respirations against my pale cheek

stir my heart; a bumble to a wilted daisy.

I am summer,

filled with long, lazy days.

The heat in me bleeds a stench

and stirs through my veins

and into my corroded mind.

My memories, charred remnants of those

I chose to surround myself with;

those evil minions in clever disguises.

You are the moon's child,

cool and calm with the stars as your soldiers.

The gleam of your face

against my belly, your tight grip

of the ocean pulling out the toxins and litter in me;

the sorrow and the fear.

You are love,

frozen and solid.

I carry your heaviness with me,

a jagged rock weighing down my creamy hand.

You come from dreams

as a fresh morning dew,

crisp and thirst quenching.

I bask in the light of you,

the shine from your forehead blinding me.

The fire of my hair reaching

for your kind tentacles,

the icy fingertips removing the sting

and numbing the evil parts in me

that threaten a perfect existence.

I shudder at your voice,

the force of your tongue

against your Chicklet teeth as a constant

nostalgic staccato,

bringing me back to a dirty childhood

compressed with depression

and Barbie dolls with stubs for hands,

the masticated plastic buried deep in King's old stomach

along with my first pair of eyeglasses

and the grass that garnishes the far left corner

of our porch.

I can be young with you;

kind and soft after the cool-down,

with a shy, damp brow and heavy charcoal lids.

October 19, 2009

New Poem...not necessarily Shakespeare but oh well!

My Nature

My nature ignites with change,

her trees bleeding Fall, slowly fading

into themselves and burrowing down into their roots,

escaping the foreshadowed freeze.

Her arms are stiff with another year passing,

another raping of her leaves and her precious youth

spent shading lovers from rain and sun alike.

The clouds are low,

pounding the moisture into her skin,

plumpling her and making her glow

like warm sex.

The maple glue overflows, wiggling through the bark's pores

and carmelizing with the cold;

mother's milk over ice.

My nature leaves me

when she can no longer feel the sun,

her arms too heavy to sway;

her feet frozen below.

I'm afraid to touch her,

my cold fingers like icy sausages

covered by thin, worn gloves.

I tiptoe around her moat in search for shelter

from Father Snow's ejaculation,

the coating that slows our traffic

and layers our front yards with a heavy dandruff.

The next four months will rob me

of concentration and my taste for ice cream.

My nature brings me closer to her silence

with the darkness of these harsh days,

the winds howling through my bare ears

and peeling my skin like hunger to a banana.

With flesh exposed, I dry out

and become whittled by her temporary death;

her empty hibernation.

October 19, 2009

THE BEAUTY OF BEST FRIENDS' BLOGS, BOYFRIENDS, AND BABIES (and by 'babies' I mean pets)

I haven't written in awhile. I know...it's horrible. However, in my defense, it has taken us a long time to move into our new place, I recently pinched a nerve and messed up the rotator cuff of my right shoulder, and the love of my life went on a cruise to the Bahamas with his father and brother and I was left home alone to eat myself into a coma everyday he was gone. Add the disappointment of the newest Harry Potter movie and you've got yourself a recipe for a depressing month in which writing was the last thing on my mind. (And Ellie just let loose one of her tear jerking farts...great.)

Naturally, those aren't the worst things to happen. I recently found out (ok, I was 'reminded', I've been trying to forget) that I still owe a lot of money to a company that shall remain nameless. And if you know me at all, you would know that: #1: I'm so incredibly poor, I'm sure I'll have to eat at the nearest soup kitchen soon, and #2: I am incapable of asking anyone for help. (Considering the fact that I just sucked up my pride and asked my grandmother for money to help us move, I can't turn right around and ask her again.) Money problems have been chasing me around all my life. I don't know why I can't get ahead of any of them. I was never taught the ridiculous importance and value of money like my brother. (My poor excuse for a father didn't set up a joint checking account for me (and him) until I had secured a job while my brother received a savings account before he was 10 and was encouraged to put all of his birthday/Christmas money in it. He was also given an allowance. Enough said.) So, now I must face the consequences of my actions...even if they cause me to get sent to jail for failure to pay off a horrible debt. Now, I can never marry the love of my life. (Who in their right mind would want to marry a poor woman and take on all of her debt, too?) And I fear for my poor baby cat, Contessa, who will probably be eaten by her older brother, Zeus, when their food supply dries up. Unfortunately, we live in a world where the only real thing that matters is money. It won't matter that I was drum major of the marching band in high school if I can't pay my bills. It won't matter that I'm fluent in Spanish and know Portuguese and Italian as well if I can't come up with the money to pay rent. And it certainly won't matter that I once wrote a 3 page essay in Spanish about how my family worships Bart Simpson when I try to find a job that pays enough for me to survive and stay out of jail.

However, this is not the reason for my post. I actually wanted to write about how money ISN'T the most important thing in MY world. Although it causes me ALL of my strife and worry, there are some things that certainly make me feel better.

One example of this is my sweet pets. While crying my eyes out just a little bit ago, both Zeus and Ellie, our pup, came over to console me. Ellie placed her head in my lap and looked up at me with her sad, brown eyes. Zeus sat down next to me and rubbed his head up against my shoulder and started purring like a motor. And then, Tessa put aside her hatred for Ellie and quietly snuck up behind me and rubbed herself up against my back. As I was adjusting to the shock of being in what felt like the scene from some Disney movie about animals, I instantly calmed down and felt somewhat better.

After drying up my sad eyes, I went to my computer to check bank accounts to see HOW POOR I actually am when I became distracted by my friend's blog. I don't know how she does it, but after reading Alison's blog, I feel so much better. Could it be that the topics of her blog entries induce hysterical laughter? Could it be that her writing style portrays a sense of reality that one can actually relate to? Or could it be that she writes what she wants, when she wants, about what she wants and inspires others to do the same? I believe all of these factors play a part in making her readers feel better about life. No matter how depressed I am about money, I can always go to alisoncomposes.blogspot.com and come across a funny story about her experiences waiting tables and dealing with ridiculous customers (which was actually how we met). And no matter how tired I am of life, I can click on that bookmark and come across a picture of Alison looking hilariously terrified in her bike helmet while she tells us about riding her beloved bike in Chicago. Alison makes me feel better...even if she lives miles and miles away. And I believe that feeling is much more valuable to me than the money I need to pay off my debts.

Anything that can create that feeling in me, whether it be my beautiful pets, the wonderful compositions of my best friend, or watching The Simpsons (I just popped it in) while curled up in bed is so much more important than money.

Did I mention my lovely boyfriend just sent me the sweetest text message letting me know he loves me? Priceless...

The Woes of Register #2

Ok, I was stuck on one of the worst registers ALL day today and was so bored out of my mind that I had to write a poem about it.

Enjoy. LOL!

The Woes of Register #2

Alone.

Secluded.

Trapped behind last minute purchases,

the blinking light of the scale

is my only companion.

Some visit,

bearing gifts I cannot keep

and giving money I must accept

but cannot take home.

 

“Debit or credit?” screams through my brain

and fumbles out my lips.

My customers are few

even though I make myself

available.

However, I will always remain locked behind,

only seen as they pay and exit.

 

Ashley, my fellow backyard prisoner,

has a sweet face and kind wit about her.

But she is fierce and steals like a professional,

robbing Jacqueline clean…she only notices

she’s been robbed well after the deed is done

and those souls have paid for their desires

and stuffed them loosely in plastic.

 

Jennifer is always ahead.

Her position allows her to stay busy;

constant.

The speed she displays

maintains her annoying beep

that none of us can escape.

 

We are all withdrawn…pushed off to the side

in hopes of cleaning out

those swift shoppers.

But the hefty ones persist,

forcing their well-over-20 items

onto my counter

so the lack of space overwhelms me

and makes me fret.

 

I hate you, full cart shoppers.

How can you ignore my sign

containing the rules of the game

and feverishly prey on my cheery disposition

and my inability to say ‘no’?

My only solace lies

in the time clock that slowly beats down

the minutes until my release.

But when my end has arrived,

I will punch those buttons and disappear

faster than you can ask, “Are you open?”

 

And Ashley will quickly answer,

“No, but I am!”

And then you’re stolen…just like that.

Making Grey

The latest poem that I have written. Definitely not worthy of a pulitzer or anything but I wrote it while bored at work.

Making Grey

 

You pass through the night of the trees,

bathed in the sweat of morning.

The sigh of your face portrays doubt and fear.

 

But the milk of my skin

and the honey of my mane

will be your comfort.

 

I notice your step falls slow,

beaten and weathered by the storm of guilt.

The salt of your tears dries the peel of your cheeks

and ages you quickly, making your soul feel old

without the useful wisdom that accompanies.

 

But my warm, peach hands

and the butter of my embrace

shall steal those imaginary years away

and you will be reborn into free thought.

 

A darkness clouds your heart

and strangles your spirit.

The winds of time passing whittle your hair

and turn your beard course,

like metal shavings from the apron

or a working blacksmith.

 

But my plump pillows will cushion your head

and the wake of my smile

will wash your worries clean.

 

Your pain lingers behind your eyes,

floundered by uncertainty.

And all that you are

and all that you have become is questioned

by your faith in matters unfathomable to you.

 

But your despair will disappear

in the blink of my eyes,

and your love of life shall be renewed

when my sweet voice whispers your name

the way the gulls sing lullabies

to the sea.

 

                                                          June 15, 2009

Are YOU Ready?!?!

Ok. Is anyone else freaking out like I am? I just got my tickets the other day (thanks, Bubby!) and am a little embarrassed to admit that I think about this movie about every 45 seconds!!!! WHY did they have to postpone it?!?! Don't they know what it's doing to me?!?! STILL?!?! Even though it's only 1 MONTH AWAY?!?!?! AHHHHHH!!!! QUICK!!! SOMEONE SLAP ME, I'M GETTING HYSTERICAL!!!!!



Watch this and then tell me it doesn't look EPIC!!! Exactly.

And in my closing remarks, I'd like to shout out to a few characters who make my life worth living:

To my love, Ronald Weasley: We shall be reunited once more, my dear. Don't worry...it won't be long now. It won't be long...

To my future sister-in-law, Ginny Weasley: You're turning into a stone-cold fox...must be the red hair. P.S. Like your tits in that top.

To that dirty whore, Bellatrix Lastrange: You have got to be one of the greatest villains of all time...thank you for scaring the shit out of me.

To the most evil person, Voldemort (yeah, that's right. I said it!): You're a fool and you will lose...everything. : )

To the coolest old man, Albus Dumbledore: Your prestidigitation (fuck yeah, take that dictionary.com word of the day!) stuns me...I'm amazed at how fucking awesome you really are.

And to the baddest motha fucka, Harry Potter: KICK HIS ASS, C-BASS!

Wal-Mart Bingo - A Game for the Ignorant

I work as a cashier at Wal-Mart (yes, yes…have you gotten the shock and negative thoughts out of your system yet?). I needed a job and they were hiring. End of story.

However, as I’ve been working there for over a month now, I must admit that I like my job. The people are nice. I get treated very well there. I receive the hours that I’m looking for and I easily passed their leadership exam that will hopefully get me a Customer Service Manager position in the near future. The customers are almost always friendly. And while they may not MOSTLY be comprised of business men and women who are wealthy and successful, they are still kind people who are trying to stretch out every penny to help keep themselves and their families healthy and happy…and Wal-Mart greatly helps them with that by offering great products at discounted prices that almost every family can afford. They also accept all types of food stamps, including WIC. In case you haven’t heard, Wal-Mart has a great $4 generic prescription plan going on (I can get my birth control for $9 a month there…the cheapest place I can find). And to all of those folks (I used to be one of you) who think Wal-Mart is a mega-corporation out to destroy the small businesses and tear away more land to build more Supercenters, I wanted to let you know that when I was filling out my New Hire paperwork, there was a huge list of causes to which I could donate part of my check (I chose 2: The American Diabetes Association – in honor of Brandon’s brother, Ryan, who has diabetes - and EarthShare, a program designed to help make our world greener). Also, for every acre that Wal-Mart uses to build one of their stores, they save an acre of wildlife habitat – such as forests, lakes, deserts, mountains, etc. - for the REST OF TIME (or, I guess, until they go out of business which, let’s face it, will probably be considered the end of time anyways!). This fact surprised me at first, however, I began to notice that Wal-Mart is doing so much to help our world stay green! In our break rooms there are tons of bins for every kind of recyclable item imaginable. In every other check-out isle, there are reusable bags (huge ones for only 50 cents a piece) you can purchase that hold 3 (sometimes 4) times the amount a plastic bag carries. In my store, which is a 24 hour Supercenter, they keep the lights dim or off for most of the day while allowing the sun to shine through the hundreds of ceiling windows. They have also converted many of their products to be more energy friendly, such as the ‘green’ light bulbs.

But enough about how Wal-Mart really isn’t the devil. My main reason for this post is Wal-Mart Bingo.

Yesterday, a fairly annoying associate walked into the store and was on her way to clock in when she spotted me (“Damn!” I huffed) and began heading my way. She pulled a pack of papers out of her large purse and handed me one saying, “Have fun with this today!” She giggled and ran off.

At first glance, I noticed it said WAL-MART BINGO at the top and I thought to myself, ‘Oh, this should be a nice way for me to pass the time, actually.’ We used to have games like this at Best Buy (with boxes such as "sell a performance service plan" or "sign up a member for Reward Zone") and the servers all had something similar at TGI Friday’s (like "received 20% tip on one check", "opened front door for guests", and "served 5 people wearing Indiana caps"). I glanced at the first box – '“rat tail” hairstyle' – and thought that was a little funny, but quickly folded up the paper and attended to a few customers. After about 10 minutes of customers, I remembered the Bingo paper and began reading over the other boxes to see if I had found any I might be able to cross off. After reading the first few boxes, I started to find that this wasn’t the type of game I was hoping it was. When I reached the box titled ‘obese person using a scooter’, I was upset.

Now, I’m not quite sure if she found the game online or simply made it up, but either way, this was not what Wal-Mart was about and it certainly wasn’t what I was about. I am not in the habit of searching for these images when I’m at work or anywhere else. This associate was passing out a guideline for discrimination and voicing to other associates that this behavior is tolerated and humorous.

Needless to say, it definitely is not.

This is not what Wal-Mart is about! The wonderful thing about Wal-Mart is that in the time I’ve been working there (and even before I was working there), I have noticed that ALL different types of people come through my lane everyday. Wal-Mart doesn’t discriminate at all. If you are a customer who needs assistance making your way through the store, we have plenty of scooters and wheelchairs available to you. (I should know! One summer in Ocean City, Maryland, right after my back surgery, I had to be wheeled around Wal-Mart by my brother and Paul because my mother had given me all of my pain medicine and THEN told me we were all going to Wal-Mart. Naturally, by the time we got there, I couldn’t see straight and as it was too hot outside for them to leave me in the car (yes, they actually considered this!), they were helping me hobble into the store when a friendly Wal-Mart greeter quickly grabbed me a wheelchair and helped me sit down. I only remember that part because the gentleman was old and looked a lot like Santa Claus, which I may have called him judging by the state I was in!)

Whether some of these “labels” are true or false (complete list located below) is beside the point. This ‘game’ was very inappropriate. The associate in question made an extremely bad judgment call on this one. I was quite appalled to even be working with her. I don’t want to throw this back in her face but I have heard many other associates speak of her in ways that have made me say, “Well, that’s her prerogative and what she wishes to tell about her previous life in porn is her business.” I have already told one associate that I’d rather not listen to him speak about her in such a manner, and he has kindly stopped. But I wonder how she would feel if she heard him conversing about her this way? Just like I wonder how a woman using an oxygen tank would feel about Wal-Mart Bingo (including Wal-Mart and all of its associates) if she saw that associate shading in the box labeled “someone using an oxygen tank”.

I’m not a "tattle-tale", but I couldn’t stand by and watch this crude display of discrimination just boiling at the front lanes. After 3 of my surrounding coworkers voiced their reservations with this ‘game’, I decided it was my duty to do something. So, I took my copy of Wal-Mart Bingo and confidently gave it to a Customer Service Manager. After noticing that her reaction wasn’t nearly as concerned as it should have been, I told another Customer Service Manager whom I trust would be more of the type of leader to actually do something. That, of course, was another point that upset me. If you are in a leadership position and something is bothering your associates, you find out what it is and put a stop to it the best you can - no questions asked…especially when it involves something that could not only come back onto you, but could also hurt the company who put you in that leadership position.

And with that, I give you the full list of boxes located on Wal-Mart Bingo and ask you to voice your opinion on the matter and remember that this is NOT the Wal-Mart that most of us have grown to love! It is strictly ONE associate who, in my opinion, no longer deserves to be working with this company. I believe that Wal-Mart will always treat their employees and customers with the utmost respect…always.

Wal-Mart Bingo

- “rat tail” hairstyle
- child without shoes
- woman with hair curlers
- someone with an eye patch
- obese person using a scooter
- rebel flag t-shirt
- white girl with 3 + multi-racial children (Why is this funny?)
- someone using an oxygen tank (Or this one?)
- kid riding a bike in store
- frozen food item left to thaw in random isle
- dirty diaper left in parking lot
- someone using a voicebox (How about this?)
- FREE – someone oblivious to the fact that they are in your way
- bearded woman
- teardrop tattoo
- child over 5 drinking from a baby bottle
- someone buying beer and diapers
- entire family wearing NASCAR apparel
- man under 30 without any teeth
- someone missing a limb (Why would you laugh at this person?)
- someone giving away kittens
- someone with puke or blood on their clothes (Next time someone comes in asking for help after having just been in some horrible accident, I'll remember to shade in this box before assisting them.)
- unattended crying children
- pregnant woman with visible “tramp stamp” tattoo
- someone with unbearable body odor

Pictures of Pets

I took some pictures earlier today of some of my pets. Just wanted to share a few cute ones with everybody!

Enjoy!



Zeus, reading my poetry. Ellie in the background, just chillin'. : )



Ellie and the grape... : )



Zeus in stealth mode!



'What choo want wit my grape?!'



Oh Zeus, my love...you're so handsome. : )



Tee hee! Silly Ellie!!

Ways To Love Your Body...(just like your boyfriend does!)

So, after writing a previous post of mine, I must admit...I'm still bothered by the fact that I have gained weight and that it bothers some people close to me. However, I have come to realize that it's really just their negative self-image being projected onto me.

Now, I am in no way very confidant of a person when it comes to physical attributes. But I am so disappointed in our society. It creates these near impossible standards for our girls/woman to live up to. I am NEVER going to look like Megan Fox or Jennifer Aniston...and to be honest, I don't want to. I am still traumatized by the first photo I ever saw of Megan Fox...she resembled an ugly transvestite. And as for Aniston...well, her face looks like a bony bronzed foot. I mean, if you would like to fashion your looks into an ugly transvestite or a bony bronzed foot, then please, look up to these "fine" actresses. However, I'd like to invite you to take a look at Kate Winslet in all of her curvacious beauty. She defies the norm and STILL doesn't hesitate when taking her clothes off (in almost every movie)! Or how about one of my favorites, Queen Latifah? This "Mamma" struts to the beat of her own drum and as a spokeswoman for Covergirl (their best move yet, I might add), brings in a certain light of REALITY back into our adds and commercials. She loves her body and shows it...which is why most of us have learned to love her body, too.

So now, I ask Hollywood to please, stop publicizing tiny waistlines and unhealthy eating habits just because it has become the norm for our society. If there is anything that can change this outlook, it's Hollywood and ALL that comes with it. We must embrace our bodies as they are now. And if you aren't happy with it, feel free to change it but how YOU want to...not how Jennifer Aniston and Megan Fox do.

On that note, I had to meet with a doctor last week (just a routine check-up) and she had a little red flyer up in her office that immediately caught my attention. She let me keep it (it was her last one and she kindly pealed it off of her wall for me to cherish!) and I am now trying to read it everyday so that I can truly embrace my body in all of it's glory! I have rewritten a copy below for anyone who wishes to defy the norm with me and LOVE YOUR BODY...just as it is. : )


WAYS TO LOVE YOUR BODY

* Become aware of what your body does each day, as the instrument of your life, not just an ornament for others.

* Think of your body as a tool. Create a list of all the things you can do with this body. (My boyfriend and I enjoyed discussing this one...: ) )

* Walk with your head held high, supported by pride and confidence in yourself as a person.

*Do something that will let you enjoy your body. Stretch, dance, walk, sing, take a bubble bath, get a massage. (I'd like to add 'safe sex' and 'masturbation' to this point as they are GREAT ways to 'enjoy your body'.) : )

* Wear comfortable styles that you really like and feel good. (I will no longer be ashamed of my jeans and t-shirt look!)

* Decide what you would rather do with the hours you waste everyday criticizing your body. (Every time I say something negative about my body, Brandon recites this point to me. Every...time...)

* Describe 10 positive things about yourself without mentioning your appearance. (This one is tough, but I hope to get there soon.)

* Say to yourself, "Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way."

* Don't let your weight or shape keep you from doing things you enjoy. (I can't wait to be at the beach!!! Even though everyone will be running away in fear as Abby the Whale hurdles onto the beach...and in comes Brandon, "Isn't there something you would rather do with the time you waste criticizing your body, Abby")

* Create a list of people who have contributed to your life, your community, the world. Was their appearance important to their success and accomplishments? If not, why should yours be?

* If you had only one year to live, how important would your body image and appearance be?

I hope this list inspires others to join me in loving our bodies!! Good luck!!!

At least I'm not the only one obsessed with Mario Kart!!

GASP!

I was zapped full of gooey goodness when my brother referred me to a video posted on his wall by a friend of his. Ironically, the girl who posted the video did so because it reminded her of me and not him...and I'm honestly touched that she would remember anything about me considering the fact I felt as though she wasn't very friendly to me and flat out didn't care for me at all! Although, if you know me at all and only a little, the one thing you probably do know about me is that I LOVE MARIO KART!!

Ever since I was a little girl with huge pink rimmed glasses, I have been entranced by Mario Kart. I played it when it first came out on Super Nintendo...the very first Mario Kart EVER! Never did I have more fun...until it came out for Nintendo 64! We never owned either of these games when I was a child, having to rent them all the time. But now we own them both and I still, to this day, enjoy pulling out the old consoles and playing them on rainy days. However, last summer...I was introduced to Mario Kart Wii........

...and I have NEVER felt the same about any other video game!!!

It challenges me by allowing me to play against other fellow obsessors. It entrances me with pretty lights and sounds! Ha ha! It stimulates my mind by forcing me to multi-task while I kick ass on my way to the top (hey, it ain't easy turbo sliding while holding a green shell behind you and aiming at Bowser in front of you, waiting for the perfect time to release hell! Ok, ok...it's easy for me. Ha! But only after MUCH practice!). And it sincerely makes me smile. There is nothing like unlocking EVERYTHING there is to unlock in a game and beating a bunch of online members with scores in the 9000's (I am not quite there yet but I'm so close, with a solid 8800).

So, thank you, Mario Kart Love Song singer! Thank you for professing my extreme adoration of a timeless game into an awesomely hilarious song! While playing it for Brandon, he laughed and said, "This is how I feel when we play online!" He said that because when we play online on my license, he takes those blue shells for me and knocks out those Bowsers and DKs so that my score can soar!! Every winner needs a comrade...or I guess I should say every Daisy needs her Luigi. : )

Enjoy!!!

The Extremely LATE "Weirdness" Between a Mother and Daughter

This past weekend, I happily traveled to Evansville in preparation of Christina's (my brother's girlfriend) graduation. To be honest, I had no burning desire to see my mother or brother. And I was right to be void of that desire.

Let's first begin with my brother. He has EVERYTHING a soon-to-be 19 year old boy could want: he's going to college for FREE; he doesn't have to pay rent at either of the TWO homes he lives; he gets FREE money from the government every month; he has a beautiful girlfriend who is totally in love with him and parents who bend to his every whim. So, why must he be cruel? We were at Wal-mart in search for a last minute sweater for me to wear at the graduation last night as it was going to be cold. Bryce so "lovingly" dropped hints and blatantly complained about my weight. Yes, I know I have gained weight. Yes, I want to lose it. But honestly, I personally thought that family was supposed to love you unconditionally, no matter what. Never in the whole of Bryce's childhood did I EVER hint to his weight, which was much more than the weight of society's "normal" child. I am almost ashamed to call him my brother, as he has completely changed and has become very arrogant in his ways. He doesn't realize how much he upsets me, even if it's "only a joke, Abby."

Continuing onto my mother, she is indescribable. Literally. (I just sat here for five minutes staring at the blinking cursor, begging it to give me a word worthy of describing her.) To keep things short, I shall explain that we simply ended up talking about how "weird" Bryce's relationships are and she turns to me with a shocked expression and says, "Well, don't you think your relationships are weird, Abby?" "What exactly do you mean?" I responded. "You dated a WOMAN!" she heaved. "You don't think that is weird?"

Slap! My neck still hurts from that whip across the face.

I was flabbergasted to say the least. All this time, I was under the impression that my mother supported my relationship with a woman and that she was fully comfortable with it. Now, 2 years after I have ended that relationship and am happily dating a man, she lets me know that she doesn't actually approve. I explain to her that I fall in love with a person's personality, intelligence, and humor before I fall in love with their sex. And then I begin to feel bad for her as she tells me that's weird and not right...that she doesn't understand that, because she thought sex really matters because it's the first thing you 'SEE'. I'm sad for her...she loves only with her eyes; never her heart.

Needless to say, I'm hurt and completely taken aback. Never again will I expect anything from my 'family'...least of all love. Apparently, it's certainly too much to ask for...even when you never really ask of it and instead just assume it was always there to begin with.

It's Been Awhile...

"Oh my..."

Most of my thoughts begin this way and nothing was different when I logged into my ancient Blogger account today after being inspired by my good pal, Al. Technically, I actually said, "Oh my...what IS this shit?!"

But seriously...I have been looking for an outlet. I'm finding that I've been writing less and less lately. I lack the motivation (which is normally the case with anything in my life at the moment), yet I intend to find some.

So, this is my first step. Going to www.blogspot.com. Entering in my email address and password. Clicking "View Blog" and deeply sighing with, "Oh my...what IS this shit?!...Oh yeah. That's right. It's me."