Let's first begin with my brother. He has EVERYTHING a soon-to-be 19 year old boy could want: he's going to college for FREE; he doesn't have to pay rent at either of the TWO homes he lives; he gets FREE money from the government every month; he has a beautiful girlfriend who is totally in love with him and parents who bend to his every whim. So, why must he be cruel? We were at Wal-mart in search for a last minute sweater for me to wear at the graduation last night as it was going to be cold. Bryce so "lovingly" dropped hints and blatantly complained about my weight. Yes, I know I have gained weight. Yes, I want to lose it. But honestly, I personally thought that family was supposed to love you unconditionally, no matter what. Never in the whole of Bryce's childhood did I EVER hint to his weight, which was much more than the weight of society's "normal" child. I am almost ashamed to call him my brother, as he has completely changed and has become very arrogant in his ways. He doesn't realize how much he upsets me, even if it's "only a joke, Abby."
Continuing onto my mother, she is indescribable. Literally. (I just sat here for five minutes staring at the blinking cursor, begging it to give me a word worthy of describing her.) To keep things short, I shall explain that we simply ended up talking about how "weird" Bryce's relationships are and she turns to me with a shocked expression and says, "Well, don't you think your relationships are weird, Abby?" "What exactly do you mean?" I responded. "You dated a WOMAN!" she heaved. "You don't think that is weird?"
Slap! My neck still hurts from that whip across the face.
I was flabbergasted to say the least. All this time, I was under the impression that my mother supported my relationship with a woman and that she was fully comfortable with it. Now, 2 years after I have ended that relationship and am happily dating a man, she lets me know that she doesn't actually approve. I explain to her that I fall in love with a person's personality, intelligence, and humor before I fall in love with their sex. And then I begin to feel bad for her as she tells me that's weird and not right...that she doesn't understand that, because she thought sex really matters because it's the first thing you 'SEE'. I'm sad for her...she loves only with her eyes; never her heart.
Needless to say, I'm hurt and completely taken aback. Never again will I expect anything from my 'family'...least of all love. Apparently, it's certainly too much to ask for...even when you never really ask of it and instead just assume it was always there to begin with.
OH, Bridget dear. May I just say I would probably only tell you it was "weird" if you dated a goat. But honestly, if the goat made you happy, I say date the goat.
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend you watch Margaret Cho's stand up comedy, "I'm the One that I want" for a much needed boost. Not only is she fucking hilarious, she also makes some great points about society's ridiculous standards for women's bodies.
Just remember you are beautiful at any weight, and fabulous whether you're dating a woman, man, no one, or a goat.
...take two : P
ReplyDeleteMy, my. Your family is quite the group of individuals. It baffles me how someone can become so cruel, especially to someone so close. We are studying a subject only remotely similar to what has happened to you in my communication and culture course, 'Race and the Media'. We are talking about the enormous influence that Hollywood has on any culture exposed to it. To broaden my statement, media directly effects the dominant ideology of culture. Ideology is often explained as a way that one views the world, a set or system of beliefs if you will. In creating film, Hollywood often overlooks its own ideas of what is considered to be the "norm", its own ideology. To them, skin on bones might be sexy, black people probably do sell drugs, and Indians are still carrying bow and arrows being chased by the Cowboys of the West. But how does this affect our own personal ideology? Let me ask...
How often do we see a curvaceous woman being represented as sexy? How often do we see a white ex-convict selling drugs working hookers late nights on a corner in the ghetto?
How often are Native Americans represented as one with nature or wearing head dress?
We start to develop these ideas of what are considered to be "norm"-al. Skinny women are sexy, black men are criminals, and natives haven't evolved. America to this day still proclaims that we are over discrimination. That we are above race. Everyone can achieve the "American Dream". Hollywood ignores real life problems such as public school systems and child abuse. They ignore the fact that women are not always treated the same in the workplace, not to mention that we qualify half of the worlds population into a single category we like to call "Asian". Hollywood repeatedly ignores its own ideology and represents sex, lust, violence, criminals, hippies, race, and culture in an endlessly stereotypical way. And we buy into it.
After the Great Depression and World War II, Hollywood was in trouble. People couldn't afford to go see movies. They were out camping, swimming, and going on picnics which brought about "blaxploitation" films, such as Blackula, Blackenstein, and Sweet Sweetbacks Bad Asssss Song. Hollywood realized that if they released films about African Americans targeted for African Americans, that they could make money. Although Hollywood took one step forward creating multi-dimensional African American characters in its films, in trying to target a niche audience, Hollywood unknowingly re-enforced many historical stereotypes that will plague the African American society.
However to my surprise, we all embraced it. We went and saw those films allowing Hollywood to continue shaping our ideology through characters we perceived to be normal.
You are not fat. You are not weird.
You are beautiful, embrace it.
Love,
Brandon
NB- I love you, Bubeleh.